Tuesday, January 31, 2012

January 2012 Ballot For Usenet Kook Awards


The ballot has been prepared, and is scheduled to be posted to alt.usenet.kooks on February 1st 2012.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here follows the one true ballot for the January 2012 Usenet Kook awards.
Anybody may vote, but your votes may be disqualified, mocked, burnt,
shredded and/or recycled for use as toilet paper at the Vote
Wrangler's discretion if
* you are a previous winner of the Bobo Award (after this ballot, winners of KotM will    also be prohibited from voting)
* you attempt to vote twice
* you vote anonymously or with an unidentified sockpuppet
* you vote for or against yourself
* you vote in a thread other than this one
* you vote in a newsgroup other than AUK without crossposting to
 AUK
* you vote in a follow-up to an incomplete or altered version of
 the ballot
Crossposting the complete, unaltered ballot is permitted. You have
until 23:59 GMT on February 8th 2012 to cast your votes. Vote wisely;
next time the candidate might be *you*.
***
BOBO
(vote "yes" or "no" )
Atlas Bugged

KOOK OF THE MONTH
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
% Squiggle teh AssWorm
Atlas Bugged
none of the above

LOONEY MAROON AWARD
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Emmett Gulley
Raymond Karczweski
Greg "Greegor Piggly Wiggly" Hanson
Dave "The Doctor"/"The Idiot" Yadallee
Richard Morton Scoville
none of the above

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
% Squiggle teh AssWorm
Janithor
none of the above

COWARD OF THE MONTH
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Janithor
Emmett Gulley
Alien
none of the above

GOLDEN KILLFILE
(vote "yes" or "no" for each candidate)
Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty)
fasgnadh

JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Emmett Gulley
MMFC (Mark Morgan Fan Club)
% Squiggles the Assworm
none of the above

PALMJOB PADDLE
(vote "yes or "no")
Emmett Gulley

VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Emmett Gulley
fasgnadh

GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
(vote "yes or "no")
Emmett Gulley

GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
(vote "yes" or "no")
fasgnadh

BUSTED URINAL
(vote "yes" or "no")
Emmett Gulley

GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty)
Emmett Gulley
None of the above

TONY SIDAWAY MEMORIAL DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
(vote "yes" or "no")
Emmett Gulley and Gregory Hall aka Capt Neal Warren

UNABOMBER SURPRISE
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Meowmix
fasgnadh
None of the above

72 RAISINS "CRACKPOT RELIGION" AWARD
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
WeeSaul
Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty)
alt.atheism
"Mangler"
None of the above

BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Emmett Gulley
Greegor "Rock Hard Stupid" Hanson
None of the above

BALSA GAVEL
(vote "yes" or "no")
Atlas Bugged 

BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL- DOG WHISTLE AWARD
(vote for one candidate or for "none of the above")
Neon Kachina  trained by Checkmate, Johnny Dollar, and Fred Hall
Greg Hall, trained by Checkmate
Emmett Gulley trained by Albatross
None of the above

KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
(vote for one candidate)
dsharavi <dsharavii@hotmail.com>
Agamemnon of rec.arts.drwho (incumbent)

MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
(vote for one candidate)
Emmett Gulley,Greg Hall, %, and Janithor
Emmett Gulley, Alexander 'Dink' Cain and Albatross
The Creationist Vigilance Committee (incumbent)

OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
(vote for one candidate)
Greegor Scott "Rock Hard Stupid" Hanson
Captain Neal aka Gregory Hall (incumbent)

AUK MASCOT
(vote for one candidate)
Emmett Gulley
Bobbi Sanchez AKA Lady Veteran (incumbent)

GLOBAL VILLAGE PUMP
(vote for one candidate)
fasgnadh
Onideus Mad Hatter (incumbent)

RICHARD M. NIXON "PATHOLOGICAL LIAR" AWARD
(vote "yes" or "no")
Emmett Gulley

THE DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM
(vote "yes" or "no")
Emmett Gulley

HAMMER OF THOR
(vote "yes" or "no")
Checkmate
(vote "yes" or "no")
Albatross

PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER
(vote "yes" or "no")
Fred Hall for "I got NETKKKOPPED at Altopia!" troll

Monday, January 30, 2012

Nominations For January 2012 Awards Closed


and the ballot is being prepared for posting 1 Feb 2012.

When nominations begin again in February 2012 keep in mind that Emmett will have been returned to his cell, er..., to his suite in the COO Galactic Killfile, thus being ineligible for further awards.  Also, the Jubilee period will have ended, with all unrehabilitated, unrepentant, and hardened kooks declared  ineligible to nominate, second, or vote.

On a humorous note, Archie Plutonium is asking all to call their Congressperson and request the abolition of alt.usenet.kooks.

Friday, January 27, 2012

First Post In AUK and AUK Charter


Message-ID: <2f57cu$fds@uxa.ecn.bgu.edu>

Jim Henning wrote:
"I'm the first kook to post here!  Woopie!  Woopie!"
Date: 20 Dec 1993
******************
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 93
Message-ID: <1993Dec20.222248.2278@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu>
"As per discussion on alt.config alt.usenet.kooks has been created.
Usenet has more of its share of conspiracy theorists and kooks
and this group has been created for the discussion of these people.
Examples of their work will be posted here and it will be a meeting
place for kook-hunters to gather and swap stories and keep
one another up to date as to where the new budding kooks can
be found.  It is hoped that through the careful use of the Followup
line, kooks can be lured into crossposting to alt.usenet.kooks."

MAC

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Award Winner's Page

The Award Winner's page is now 99.9% complete.  I'm sure there are a few errors and omissions, so send me an email if you spot any errors or omissions.  I am going to go back through PJR's research notes on the awards 1994 - 1999 to see if I missed anything.  Thanks again to Peter for his research.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Gulley Flees AUK

In a dramatic, and unexpected announcement, Emmett Gulley has announced that he will no longer post to alt.usenet.kooks, but instead to alt.fan.emmett-gulley.  Faux News is reporting that Mr. Gulley was so upset at not winning 100% of the votes in the recent Kook of the Year balloting that he no longer wishes to perform for those who do not appreciate his talents.

Well, folks, it appears Faux News was wrong again.  Emmett Gulley's self-imposed exile lasted about three hours.  He's back in alt.usenet.kooks, blazing away.  As Entertainment Tonight has reported, his exile was probably just another publicity stunt organized by his manager, Rusty 'AUK Grand Wizard' Tavek.

In other news, Google Groups indicates that the current number of posts to alt.usenet.kooks is the most since January 2011.  With more than a week left in the month, AUK is on track to hit the magic 10,000 post mark for the first time since May 2009.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

BREAKING NEWS!!!

The results are in, and Emmett Gulley has just been announced as winner of the 2011 Kook of the Year award, winning in a landslide over Raymond Ronald Karczewski, Greg 'Neal Warren' Hall, Earl Gordon Curley, Tim Bolen, David Tholen, and Richard Scoville .  Mr. Gulley is expected to give a statement shortly in alt.usenet.kooks.  Stay tuned to Black Helicopter News for further developments.

Random AUK News

Voting for Kook of the Year is set to end in about four hours.

Nominations for the January AUK Awards are still being accepted, with voting scheduled to start February 1st. We have a full slate for this,  the first ballot in almost three years.

Several Usenet vets, MIA for quite a while, have been spotted in AUK recently, among them Snarky, Bookman, and Knoxy.  PJR aso put in a rare appearance.

On a sad note, it is reported by Jeff Relf and The Saucerheads that the mothership has finally come to take Charles D. Bohne home.  I'm sure Darla was on board to greet Mr. Bohne, winner of many awards over the years. RIP, Mr. Bohne.

Emmett Gulley, enemy of free speech, has given me until 19:35 CST to take this blog down, or he will get a court order to have my blog taken down.


Friday, January 20, 2012

January Nominations So Far


Kook of the Month

% Squiggle teh AssWorm Nominated by Meowmix. Second: Checkmate
Atlas Bugged Nominated by  Mirror of TRVTH. Second: Sweetness


Looney Maroon Award


Emmett Gulley nominated by Albatross. Second: A.C.
Raymond Karczweski nominated by Mirror of TRVTH. Second:Johnny Dollar
Greg "Greegor Piggly Wiggly" Hanson. Nominated by Rusty "Sean" Tavek.  Second: Fred Hall
Dave "The Doctor"/"The Idiot" Yadallee. Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second: Pandora
Richard Morton Scoville. Nominated by Mike. Second.:  Ottawa Guru

Clueless Newbie of the Month


% Squiggle teh AssWorm Nominated by Meowmix. Second: Checkmate

Janithor Nominated by Account Banned. Second:  Sweetness

Coward of the Month


Janithor Nominated by Account Banned. Seconded by Sweetness

Emmett Gulley Nominated by Cujo. Second:Bookman

Albatross for CotM. Nominated by Janithor. Second: No second
REJECTED.  Unreformed net.kook nomination

Alien Nominated by Fred Hall. Second: Mirror of TRVTH


Golden Killfile


Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty) for GOLDEN KILLFILE. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: Charlotte L. Blackmer


fasgnadh. Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second:  NotYourFathersChevy


Palmjob Paddle


Emmett Gulley. Nominated by This account has been banned because it violated the Google Groups Terms Of Use. Second: Cujo

Joseph Bartlo Pathetic Anal Pineapple 

Emmett Gulley nominated by Albatross.  Seconded by: A.C

MMFC (Mark Morgan Fan Club) Nominated by Rusty "Sean" Tavek. Seconded by: The Demon of Mockery.

% Squiggles the Assworm nominated by Checkmate. Seconded: Neon Kachina

Victor von Frankenstein Weird Science 

Emmett Gulley for photos of his tents construction in the woods and his bizarre explanation of humidity. 
Nominated by Albatross.  Seconded by:A.C.

fasgnadh. Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second: Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek

George Pickett Memorial Trophy

Emmett Gulley Nominated by Albatross. Seconded by:A.C.

George Armstrong Custer "Kicked @$$" Award

fasgnadh Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second: Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. 

Busted Urinal

MMFC (Mark Morgan Fan Club) Nominated by Rusty "Sean" Tavek.  Seconded by:A.C
REJECTED: MMFC won this award for September 2008

Emmett Gulley. Nominated by Cujo. Second Sweetness.

GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty) for GOOFY AZZED BABBOON. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: Charlotte L. Blackmer

Emmett Gulley.  Nominated by Sharky. Second: Sweetness

Tony Sidaway Memorial Drama Queen Award

Emmett Gulley and Gregory Hall aka Capt Neal Warren. Nominated by Cujo. Seconded by: Rusty "AUK Wizard" Tavek

Unabomber Surprise

Meowmix nominated by Kachina. Seconded by Johnny Dollar

fasgnadh. Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second: Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek.

72 Raisins "Crackpot Religion" Award

WeeSaul Nominated by: Neon Sparkly Kachina. Second: The Demon of Mockery

Ras Michael Enoch  (aka Michael McCarty).  Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. second Col. Jake.

alt.atheism. Nominated by Aunt the Agony of Six of Nine or Half-dozen of the Other of the Borg. Second:  NotYourFathersChevy

"Mangler" nominated by A.C. Second: Johnny Dollar

Bolo Bullis Foam Duck

Emmett Gulley. Nominated by This account has been banned because it violated the Google Groups Terms Of Use. Second:  Cujo

Greegor "Rock Hard Stupid" Hanson. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: Charlotte L. Blackmer

Bobo

Atlas Bugged Nominated by Llamey. Second: Rhonda Lea Kirk Fries and Demon of Mockery

Balsa Gavel

 Atlas Bugged Nominated by Llamey. Second:Rhonda Lea Kirk Fries


Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog-Whistle Award

Neon Kachina  trained by Checkmate, Johnny Dollar, and Fred Hall.  Nominated by: Meowmix.  Seconded: Bookman

Greg Hall, trained by Checkmate.Nominated by The Demon of Mockery. Second: cu

Emmett Gulley trained by Albatross.  Nominated by Sweetness. Second: idlehands


Kooki Information Minister

dsharavi <dsharavii@hotmail.com> for Kooki Information Minister nominated by NEON China BLUE seconded by: A.C

Ministry of Circle Jerks

Emmett Gulley,Greg Hall, %, and Janithor Nominated by Cujo.  Seconded by:  Albatross

Emmett Gulley, Alexander 'Dink' Cain and Albatross Nominated by Rusty "Sean" Tavek. Seconded by: China Blue

Village Idiot

Greegor Scott "Rock Hard Stupid" Hanson. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: Charlotte L. Blackmer

AUK Mascot

Emmett Gulley. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: Charlotte L. Blackmer

GLOBAL VILLAGE PUMP


fasgnadh. Nominated by Rusty 'Wizard' Tavek. Second: The Demon of Mockery

Richard M Nixon Memorial "Pathological Liar" 

Emmett Gulley  Nominated by Albatross. Seconded by:A.C.

THE DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM

Emmett Gulley. Nominated by This account has been banned because it violated the Google Groups Terms Of Use. Second: bookman

Pierre Salinger HL&S  

Fred Hall for "I got NETKKKOPPED at Altopia!" troll.  Nominated by Rusty "AUK Wizard" Tavek.  Second: bit rot

Hammer of Thor

Checkmate nominated by Account Banned. Second: The Demon of Mockery
Albatross  Nominated by Sweetness. Second: idlehands