Thursday, March 8, 2012

Winners! Usenet Kook Awards, February 2012


The time has come to announce the winners of the February 2012 Usenet Kook Awards.  Colonel Jake, if you will please cue the Velvet Knights:

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKAV85/


KOOK OF THE DECADE

The winner is... No Winner!

Probably due to my screwing up the distro, fewer than half of the voters named a Kook of the Decade.  The Cabal and Fluffy have therefore decided to hold a separate Kook of the Decade ballot and suspend my COO beer fridge privilege for the first ten days of each month.  Fluffy is very wise.


KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is... ALIEN the Anonymous Coward!

        Alien....................... 12
        Yads......................... 6
        Neither of the above.. 3

Congratulations, Alien! Yer gonna chase Burnore off Usenet any day now, hey?


CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH (Special Presentation)

The winner is... Greg "ipv6 virgin" Hall!

        Greg Hall..................13
        Yads......................... 8
        neither of the above....3

Congratulations, Nellie! Attempting to bullshit the pros in alt.free.newsservers with your pretense of understanding ipv6 was a pretty clueless thing to do.  Oh, and congratulations on being the only kook to win this award twice.  Terminal cluelessness deserves to be rewarded.


COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is... FASGNADH, James Murdoch Indecisive Soldier of God!

        Yes...20
        No.... 1

Congratulations, FailedNutz! The Iraqi Army is at this very moment studying your tactics.


LOONEY MAROON AWARD

The winner is... Greg "ROCK HARD STUPID" HANSON!

        Greegor...................16
        Pat Buchanan............6
        Neither of the above..2

Congratulations, Greegor! Who will you obsess over next?  What new SooperSleuth technique will you employ next?  Bob Alberti is waiting in fear!


JOSEPH BARTLO "PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE" AWARD

The winner is... RUSTY "GRAND WIZARD" TAVEK!

        Rusty Tavek...............11
        Ras Eunuch McCarty...6
        Greegor.......................5
        None of the above.......2

Congratulations, Russell! Please to be waving goodbye as the Velvet Knights serenade you while you are escorted to your cell in the Galactic Killfile.  Don't fret, Greegor will be allowed conjugal visits.

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VK1969/


BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE& SINKER

The winners are... DAVE YADALLEE, IGNIS FATUUS, And RESPONDANT!

        Yes...19
        No.... 1

Congratulations, Yads, Igneous, and Bill!  Gotta remember to watch out for those dodgy pedo froups!


PALMJOB PADDLE

The winner is... ALIEN!

        Alien..........................12
        Archimedes Plutonium..9
        fasgnadh......................3

Congratulations, Anonymous Coward! It isn't just any kook who can outdo Archie.  Word on the street is you are Bill Palmer returned from the net.dead.  Good job, Palmer!


TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

The winner is... IGNIS "IGNEOUS ROCKIUS" FATUUS!

        Ignis Fatuus..................14
        Archimedes Plutonium..11

Congratulations, Igneous! What a February performance!  You weren't even on the ballot until the end of the month, but your hysterical flouncing enabled you to pull off an upset win over Archie.


VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is... DAVID "YADS THE DOCTOR" YADALLEE!

        Yes..22
        No... 3

Congratulations, Yads! Can you run that theory by me just one more time?


GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!

        Yes..22
        No... 1

Congratulations, Ludwig! You have most certainly sacrificed common sense and decency in your attempt to remove alt.usenet.kooks from Usenet.


GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER KICKED @$$ AWARD

The winner is... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!

        Yes..19
        No... 3

Congratulations, Ludwig! Another fine award for your collection.  I suggest placing your latest trophies next to your August 1994 Kook of the Month Award to mark a remarkable 19 year ko0kout career.


SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART

The winner is... DAVID "YADS THE DOCTOR" YADALLEE!

        Yads...........................13
        Archimedes Plutonium.. 9
        Neither of the above..... 1

Congratulations, Doctor Yads! Looks like your cache of rubber grenades was enough to outdo uber-kook Archie.


KLUCK LYSAGHT TAR & FEATHERS AWARD

The winner is... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM

        Yes..18
        No... 4

Congratulations, again, Archie! Your piteous bawling did not go unnoticed in sci.math, sci.physics, and certainly not in alt.usenet.kooks.


BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is... GREG "ROCK HARD STUPID GREEGOR" HANSON!

        Greegor.......................14
        Ras Eunuch McCarty.... 7
        Archimedes Plutonium... 2
        None of the above........ 2

Congratulations Greegor! Your stench is becoming more powerful than Emmett's bicycle seat on a hot, humid Florida day.


UNABOMBER SURPRISE

The winner is... FASGNADH, JAMES MURDOCH INDECISIVE SOLDIER OF GOD!

        fasgnadh...................11
        ONE......................... 9
        Neither of the above.. 4

Congratulations, Indecisive Soldier of God! Your continued posting of 500 line screed bombs has won you this prestigious award!


72 RAISINS CRACKPOT RELIGION AWARD

The winner is... DAVID "YADS THE DOCTOR" YADALLEE!

        Yads........................15
        Obves....................... 7
        Neither of the above.. 2

Congratulations again, Yads! You've caused Obves to be left at the altar once again.  It takes a real crackpot to beat a crackpot with 20+ years of Usenet kookery.


BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

The winner is... GREG "ROCK HARD STUPID GREEGOR" HANSON!

        Greegor.......................11
        Yads.............................9
        Archimedes Plutonium...5
        None of the above.........1

Congratulations, RHS! Like the bastard child of an unholy union of Bullis and Gulley, you have taken stupidity to a new level!  Perhaps once you learn to count to five, you'll be able to locate the elusive Bob Alberti and PinkuKevin.


ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

The winner is... RAS EUNUCH MCCARTY!

        Yes..17
        No... 2

Congratulations, Eunuch! Be sure to post multiple whines with multiple socks whining about the beaners who gave you this award.  Actually, all us beaners are Bozo socks.  KFJC ROCKS!


BALSA GAVEL

The winner is... ARCHIMEDES PLUTONIUM!

        Yes..15
        No... 7


OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is... GREG "NEAL WARREN" HALL!

        Greg Hall (incumbent)..17
        Archimedes Plutonium... 7
     

Congratulations, Neal! Do you ever get tired of bawling?.


OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

The winner is... GREG "NEAL WARREN" HALL!

        Greg Hall (incumbent)..16
        Yads.............................9
     

Congratulations, Neal! Another award you seem to have a lock on.  Yads might have won had you not had your monthly meltdown, tranny lover.


PIERRE SALINGER HOOK, LINE & SINKER AWARD

The winner is... FRED HALL'S TROLL OF RUSTY TAVEK!

        Troll of Tavek............................10
        FNVW FITE PJR and Fred Hall..9
     
HAMMER OF THOR

The winner is... CHECKMATE!

        Yes..16
        No... 4


XTRA SPESHUL CATEGORY

The winner is...YADS!


        Yads Has Been Trolled..........,7
        Howls of Derisive Laughter.....6
        Pissed off, not on Yads's Lits..3
        Hail Fluffy..............................2
        Give them the award..............1

Sorry, Yads, you lose again, but thanks for your entertaining nomination!


This concludes the results of the February 2012 elections. Thirty ballot papers were received, twenty-nine were counted as valid. Colonel Jake, will you please fire up the band?  Until next time...enjoy the bagpipes!  Hail Fluffy and Ming!

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/



No comments:

Post a Comment