Thursday, May 31, 2012

Vote! Usenet Kook Awards, May 2012

Here follows the one true ballot for the May 2012 Usenet Kook awards. 
Anybody may vote, but your votes may be disqualified, mocked, burnt, 
shredded and/or recycled for use as toilet paper at the Vote Wrangler's 
discretion if: 

  * you are a previous winner of Kook of the Month or the Bobo Award
  * you are a resident of the Galactic Killfile
  * you attempt to vote twice
  * you vote anonymously or with an unidentifiable sockpuppet
  * you vote for or against yourself
  * you vote in a thread other than this one
  * you vote in a newsgroup other than AUK without crossposting to AUK
  * you follow up to an incomplete or altered version of the ballot
  * you have officially been declared non-existent 
Crossposting the complete, unaltered ballot is permitted. You have until
00:01 GMT on June 8th to cast your votes. Vote wisely; next time the
candidate might be *you*. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Bobo Award

(vote yes or no)
Brian "Dr. HGH" McDaid

Kook of the Month

(vote for one)
MMFC aka Scatboi aka I Punce

Lookout
Alexander Bartolich
none of the above

Clueless Newbie of the Month

(vote for one)
Jan 'GoogleBot Stalker' Drew

Alexander Bartolich
none of the above

Coward of the Month

(vote yes or no)
Alexander Bartolich


Looney Maroon Award

(vote for one)
Alexander Bartolich

Obves aka Marian Sliwenski
none of the above 

Golden Killfile

(vote yes or no)
Dave TV aka Patrick Michael Sullivan


Joseph Bartlo Pathetic Anal Pineapple Award

(vote yes or no)
"I Punce" aka Scatboi of RRAP, aka Bit Rot Frogger, bitrot@nomailnone.invalid


Bob Allisat Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker

(vote yes or no)
Ras Eunuch McCarty aka Operation Wetback


Tony Sidaway Drama Queen Award

(vote yes or no)
Ras Eunuch McCarty aka Operation Wetback


Victor von Frankenstein Weird Science Award

(vote yes or no) 
Richard S. Bullis aka St00pid for his theories of a '1kW unamplified CB radio
that wipes out all communications in a 30 mile radius' yet escapes
any FCC scrutiny, and 'advanced military radio signal reception'.   

Kluck Lysaght "Tar & Feathers" Award

(vote yes or no) 
Greg 'Greegor Rock Hard Stupid' Hanson

Busted Urinal Award

(vote yes or no)
The Colonel


Goofy Azzed Babboon

(vote yes or no)
MMFC aka Scatboi


72 Raisins Crackpot Religion Award

(vote yes or no)
Obves aka Marian Sliwenski


Order of the Holey Sockpuppet

(vote for one)
MMFC aka Scatboi aka I Punce

Paul Derbyshire aka Seamus McRae
none of the above

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog-Whistle Award

(vote yes or no)
Ras Eunuch McCarty, trained by Colonel Jake


Douglas Grant Medal For Historical Revisionism

(vote yes or no)
Greg 'Greegor Rock Hard Stupid' Hanson


Global Village Pump Award

(vote for one)
Emmett Gulley

Paul Derbyshire aka Seamus McRae

AUK Mascot

(vote for one)
Emmett Gulley (incumbent)

Col Jake. 

Office of Darth Bawl

(vote for one)
Emmett Gulley

Greg Hall (incumbent)

Office of Village Idiot

(vote for one)
Argue Kate

Emmett Gulley
Greg 'Neal Warren' Hall (incumbent)

Ministry of Circle Jerks

(vote for one)
The Goatfucker Kookfarm of alt.slack goathead
The 4 Stooges: Emmett Gulley, Greg Hall, %AssWurm, Janithor (incumbent)


Office of Kooki Information Minister

(vote for one)
Richard S. Bullis aka St00pid
Agamemnon (incumbent)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Offishul Announcement: Emmett Gulley

Emmett Gulley is hereby released from The Galactic Killfile.  He is eligible for all repeatable awards and AUK offices.

Winners! Usenet Kook Awards, April 2012

The time has come to announce the winners of the alt.usenet.kooks awards for April, 2012.

Col. Jake, if you'll have The Velvet Knights fire up the bagpipes, we will proceed.

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/

BOBO AWARD

The winner is...WILLIAM MELCHERT-DINKEL!

11 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, ghoul!  Another support group trolling loser bites the dust.

KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is...RAS MIKAERE "EUNUCH" ENOCH AKA OPERATION WETBACK!

7 votes...Eunuch
5 votes...fasgnadh
3 votes...Emmett Gulley Sock

Congratulations, Eunuch McCarty!  Your operation was successful!  You have finally been recognized after all these years.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is...ROCK HARD STUPID!

13 votes...Yes
01 vote.... No

Congratulations, Greegor!

LOONEY MAROON AWARD

The winner is...BUCKY BREEDER!

12 votes...Yes
02 votes...No

Congratulations, Bucky!  Be sure to display your LMA along with the other eight awards you've won.  You must be very proud!

JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

The winner is...RAS EUNUCH MCCARTY AKA OPERATION WETBACK!

15 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, Eunuch!  Very few in the history of the awards have been as deserving as you.

BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is...BOBBI SANCHEZ AKA LADY VETERAN!

12 votes...Yes
03 votes...No

Congratulations, Bobbi!  You may have toned it down in recent years, but your reputation lives on!

GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY

The winner is...KENT WILLS!

11 votes...Yes
03 votes...No

Congratulations, Kent!  You are the current poster boy for this award.  You have sacrificed common sense, decency and your reputation trying to win an un-winnable argument.

GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER KICKED @$$ AWARD

The winner is...ROCK HARD STUPID GREEGOR!

14 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, WaterBoarder!  It's unanimous!  Are you still WINNING?

UNABOMBER SURPRISE

The winner is...RAS MIKAERE EUNUCH AKA OPERATION WETBACK!

15 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, Eunuch!

BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK

The winner is...RESPONDANT AKA BILL!

12 votes...Yes
01 vote.....No

Congratulations, "Bill!"  Perhaps if you would post more often, you could add to your fine collection of awards.

BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

The winner is...NO WINNER!

08 votes...Yes
05 votes...No

In keeping with long-standing award traditions, there is no winner in this category.  Categories with no competition, ie a yes or no vote (excepting the Hammer of Thor), are subject to the 2/3 rule.  Obviously, Kent Wills did not meet this standard.  The fault lies with Rock Hard Stupid Hanson, who wasn't smart enough to exploit Kent's admission that he had adopted Greegor's standards.

PIERRE SALINGER MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winner is...FNVW APRIL FOOL'S DAY TROLL!

12 votes...Yes
01 vote.....No

Folks, this troll was pathetic in its obviousness.  April 1st, a pardon for notorious net.kook Nellie Hall, and yet Respondant and Nellie not only swallowed the bare hook, they threw themselves into the boat and gutted themselves.  Life is good.

OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is...GREG 'NEAL WARREN' HALL!

09 votes...Nellie
06 votes...Respondant aka Bill

Congratulations, Nellie!  Finally, a close vote.  No worries, Kraptain Kneel, soon you will be voted out of office.  This is an Official Cabal Guarantee.

Col. Jake, if you would please strike up the band?

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/

(I dig those bagpipes, Jake)



Friday, May 4, 2012

Happy Birthday AUK Awards! 1994 - 2012 Part I

May 4th marks the 18th birthday of the alt.usenet.kooks Usenet Kook Awards.  Craig Dickson, the first Vote Wrangler, named Mark 'Mensabot' Line the first Kook of the Month. "We will not allow yourselves to be bludgeoned." (Mark Line)

Dickson did not refer to himself as Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler.  From the archives:

"Since no one else has volunteered, I will happily take up the task 
of tracking Loon/Kook of the Month nominees and recording the winners 
(who will be decided by analysis of relevant comments here on a.u.k)."


Craig Dickson eventually referred to himself as 'coordinator,' but the first mention of a Vote Wrangler comes January 16, 1996, when Matt Legare (FNVW #2) began using the title 'KotM Vote Wrangler.'  Phoenix, possibly the greatest FNVW in AUK history, is apparently the first to use the title Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler.  On July 22, 1998 Russ Alberry replied to a Phoenix post that used the term Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler.

Over the years there have been lapses in the awards process.  December 1994s lapse was due to massive voter fraud by Lewis DePayne and Joel Furr, which caused Craig Dickson to resign in disgust.  Another factor in Dickson's decision to resign was his feeling that the awards had outlived their usefulness, and had become a weapon to be wielded against one's Usenet enemies.  Dickson wrote in January 1995:

"I wasn't entirely sure what to do about this situation, so I thought about it for a while and ended up (by default) softly and suddenly vanishing away. I'm sorry to have given Joel's [Joel Furr]friends on soc.singles a sort of sado-masochistic coitus interruptus, but I'm not interested in being or providing a weapon for idiotic net.feuds, and I think KotM has outlived its usefulness. I am no longer interested in running the award, and I no longer read a.u.k."

The awards continued in January 1995.  Once it was known that Craig Dickson had resigned, Matt Legare stepped into the breach and *ahem* seized power.  Lewis DePayne had also set his sights on becoming FNVW #2, but Dickson stepped out from his voluntary retirement to announce, on January 21, 1995:

 " I hear that Lewis De Payne is claiming that I have passed the administration of KotM to him. This isn't bad as mindfucking games go, but it isn't true in any objective sense. I have no intention of declaring a successor for KotM. The fact that I don't want to continue doing it myself doesn't give me the right to decide such a thing. If KotM is to continue, the readership of a.u.k should decide collectively on an administrator, or redefine the process so as not to require any central authority. 
De Payne no doubt is perfectly capable of forging news articles, so I will also say that any future statements allegedly from me that contradict this message can be assumed to be forgeries, or at least ought to be confirmed by email." 

Legare's Manifesto went like this, on January 17, 1995:

"I'm going to go out on a limb here... and volunteer as Keeper-O-The-Award. 
quakifications (like any of this *really* matters) 
* never been nominated
* read a.u.k for over 2 years (mostly in lurk mode)
* actually attempted to *help* beckwith during his initial stay in
  talk.bizarre by explaining how to use a killfile
* steady email account
* copious free time 

and yes, I can get the vote software running... I think... 
Matthew Legare
On-Line Support Guy" 


The next lapse in the awards came in September 1996, when Legare was literally netKKKoped off the net. For those who have forgotten, it was much easier to file complaints against one's enemies in those days and achieve results.  The lapse in awards was short, as Tim Skirvin volunteered to run the awards until Legare could find an ISP that wouldn't nuke his account on false complaints.

Skirvin conducted a ballot for November 1996, but then...

Part II follows May 5, 2012, if I feel like it.











Thursday, May 3, 2012

May 2012 Nominations

Updated 26 May 2012 14:34 CDT


Bobo Award


Brian "Dr. HGH" McDaid. Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Johnny Dollar

Kook of the Month

MMFC aka Scatboi aka I Punce. Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Bit Rot

Lookout.  Nominated by Cuzzin Pest.  Second: FNVW

Alexander Bartolich.  Nominated by Peter J. Ross. Second: Baron Lurk

Clueless Newbie of the Month

Jan 'GoogleBot Stalker' Drew.  Nominated by Cujo DeSockpuppet. Second: Account Banned.

Ken Wesson.  REJECTED.  Wesson is a Derbyshire/Seamus sock and has already won this award.

Alexander Bartolich.  Nominated by Peter J. Ross. Second: Baron Lurk


Coward of the Month

Alexander Bartolich.  Nominated by Peter J. Ross.  Second: Baron Lurk

Looney Maroon Award

Alexander Bartolich.  Nominated by Peter J. Ross.  Second: ah

Obves aka Marian Sliwenski. Nominated by Charlotte L Blackmer.  Second: Fred Hall

Golden Killfile

Dave TV aka Patrick Michael Sullivan.  Nominated by Fred Hall.  Second PV.


Joseph Bartlo Pathetic Anal Pineapple Award

"I Punce" aka Scatboi of RRAP, aka Bit Rot Frogger, bitrot@nomailnone.invalid.  Nominated by Fred Hall.  Second: Fidem Tubare

Bob Allisat Memorial Hook, Line & Sinker

Ras Eunuch McCarty aka Operation Wetback.  Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Sweetness

Tony Sidaway Drama Queen Award

Ras Eunuch McCarty aka Operation Wetback.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Sweetness


Victor von Frankenstein Weird Science Award


Richard S. Bullis aka St00pid for his theories of a '1kW unamplified CB radio
that wipes out all communications in a 30 mile radius' yet escapes
any FCC scrutiny, and 'advanced military radio signal reception'.  
Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Checkmate


Kluck Lysaght "Tar & Feathers" Award


Greg 'Greegor Rock Hard Stupid' Hanson.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Bit Rot

Busted Urinal Award

The Colonel.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Col Jake

Goofy Azzed Babboon

MMFC aka Scatboi.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Johnny Dollar

72 Raisins Crackpot Religion Award

Obves aka Marian Sliwenski. Nominated by Charlotte L Blackmer. Second: Fred Hall

Order of the Holey Sockpuppet

MMFC aka Scatboi aka I Punce. Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Sweetness
Paul Derbyshire aka Seamus McRae.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Steve@privacy.net

Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog-Whistle Award

Ras Eunuch McCarty, trained by Colonel Jake.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Sweetness

Douglas Grant Medal For Historical Revisionism

Greg 'Greegor Rock Hard Stupid' Hanson.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: FNVW

Global Village Pump Award

Emmett Gulley.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Cujo DeSockpuppet
Paul Derbyshire aka Seamus McRae.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Steve @ privacy.net

AUK Mascot

Emmett Gulley (incumbent)

Col Jake.  Nominated by Sweetness.  Second: Johnny Dollar

Office of Darth Bawl

Emmett Gulley.  Nominated by Cujo DeSockpuppet.  Second: Bit Rot
Greg Hall (incumbent)

Office of Village Idiot

Argue Kate.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Checkmate
Emmett Gulley.  Nominated by Cujo DeSockpuppet  Second: Sweetness
Greg 'Neal Warren' Hall (incumbent)

Ministry of Circle Jerks

The Goatfucker Kookfarm of alt.slack goathead.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second:  China Blue
The 4 Stooges: Emmett Gulley, Greg Hall, %AssWurm, Janithor (incumbent)


Office of Kooki Information Minister


Richard S. Bullis aka St00pid.  Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Checkmate
Agamemnon (incumbent)