Saturday, June 9, 2012

Winners! Usenet Kook Awards, May 2012


The time has come to announce the winners of the alt.usenet.kooks awards for May, 2012.

Col. Jake, if you'll have The Velvet Knights fire up the bagpipes, we will proceed.

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/

BOBO AWARD

The winner is...Brian "Dr HGH" McDaid!

11 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, spammer!  Did you stash your ill-gotten gains offshore?

KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is...MMFC I PUNCE!

12 votes...MMFC
04 votes...Alexander Bartolich
00 votes...Lookout

Congratulations, Coprophiliac!  At long last your ability to eat shit and post has been recognized!

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

And the winner is...ALEXANDER BARTOLICH!

08 votes Bartolich
07 votes Jan Drew

Congratulations, Bartolich!  The vote was close but you managed to defeat veteran kook Jan Drew!  This may be a point for you to ponder.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is...ALEXANDER BARTOLICH!

12 votes...Yes
01 vote.... No

Congratulations, Alex!  Does Adam's bowtie frighten you so much you can't answer his questions?

LOONEY MAROON AWARD

The winner is...ALEXANDER BARTOLICH!

08 votes...Bartolich
05 votes...Obves
01 votes...none of the above

Congratulations x3, Alex!  Your server, your rules, but Jesus, Barto, do your rules have to be so Looney?

GOLDEN KILLFILE

The winner is...DAVE TV aka PATRICK MICHAEL SULLIVAN!

15 votes...yes
01 votes...no

Congratulations, Patty!  Too bad you can't trade your awards for money to pay Mr Griffin.

JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

The winner is...I PUNCE AKA SCATBOI THE MMFC BIT ROT FROGGER!

15 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, Scatboi!  The real Mark Morgan is laughing his ass off at your stupidity.

BOB ALLISAT MEMORIAL HOOK, LINE & SINKER

The winner is...RAS EUNUCH MCCARTY AKA OPERATION WETBACK!

12 votes...yes
02 votes...no

Congratulations, Ras!  KBZO is playing your song.  All the hits, all the time!

TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD

The winner is...RAS EUNUCH MCCARTY AKA OPERATION WETBACK!

13 votes...yes
01 votes...no

Congratulations, Ras!  Your unprovoked meltdowns have earned you yet another hit.

VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD

The winner is...RICHARD S BULLIS!

14 votes...yes
01 votes...no

Congratulations, RtS!  13 years of winning awards, and at long last you've won your first Frankenstein!

KLUCK LYSAGHT TAR & FEATHERS AWARD

The winner is...GREG 'GREEGOR ROCK HARD STUPID' HANSON!

14 votes...yes
01 votes...no

Congratulations, waterboarder!  Your terminal cluelessness has earned you yet another AUK award.

BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is...THE COLONEL!

15 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, faux Colonel!  You are a disgrace to Viet Nam vets and Colonels.  Call the plumber!  Your urinal runneth over.

GOOFY AZZED BABBOON

The winner is...THE MMFC SCATBOI!

14 votes...Yes
01 votes...No

Congratulations, Scatboi!  Your linguistic butchering has earned you yet another award for your trophy case!

72 RAISINS CRACKPOT RELIGION AWARD

The winner is...OBVES!

12 votes...Yes
01 votes...No

Congratulations, Marian!  After 30 years of crying out in the wilderness you have finally gained the recognition you so richly deserve.  Your math skills are second only to Archimedes Plutonium.

ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET

The winner is...MMFC aka Scatboi aka I Punce!

10 votes...MMFC
05 votes...Paul Derbyshire

Congratulations, Eunuch!  Your Greatest Hits are now in heavy rotation on KBZO!

BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD

The winner is...RAS EUNUCH MCCARTY, TRAINED BY COLONEL JAKE!

13 votes...Yes
00 votes...No

Congratulations, Jake!  You've trained Ras to perform without you commanding him to do so.  Great job!

DOUGLAS GRANT MEDAL FOR HISTORICAL REVISIONISM

The winner is...GREG 'GREEGOR ROCK HARD STUPID' HANSON!

15 votes...Yes
00 vote.....No

Congratulations, Greegor!  Obvesly you live in a parallel universe, a separate reality.

GLOBAL VILLAGE PUMP AWARD

The winner is...EMMETT GULLEY!

11 votes...Emmett Gulley
04 votes...Paul Derbyshire

Emmett was kind enough to send a recording of his acceptance speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQICzsImPFI

AUK MASCOT

The winner and still champ is...EMMETT GULLEY!

08 votes...Emmett Gulley
05 votes...Colonel Jake

Emmett's acceptance speech continued:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTWfKEEgYWE&feature=relmfu

OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL

The winner is...EMMETT GULLEY!

08 votes...Gulley
07 votes...Kraptain Kneel

Congratulations, Emmett!  More of Emmy's acceptance speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=xxLkH99MMy8

OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT

The winner is...EMMY GULLEY!

11 votes...Gulley
04 votes...Nellie
02 votes...Argue Idiot

The final segment of Emmy's acceptance speech:
http://goanimate.com/videos/0tZPTg2IGuCg/1

MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS

The winners are...THE 4 STOOGES!

11 votes...Stooges
04 votes...The Goatfucker Kookfarm

Congratulations, Stooges!  I foresee you holding this office for a long, long time.

OFFICE OF KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER

The winner is...RICHARD S BULLIS!

11 votes...RtS
03 votes...Agamemnon

Welcome back, Bullis!  Dethroning Aggie is quite an achievement!

And so ends the May 2012 Usenet Kook Awards.  Twenty ballots were received, of which seventeen were deemed valid.  Until next time...

Col. Jake, if you would please strike up the band?
http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/

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