Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Vote! Usenet Kook Awards, July 2012


Here follows the one true ballot for the July 2012 Usenet Kook awards. 
Anybody may vote, but your votes may be disqualified, mocked, burnt, 
shredded and/or recycled for use as toilet paper at the Vote Wrangler's 
discretion if: 

  * you are a previous winner of Kook of the Month or the Bobo Award
  * you are a resident of the Galactic Killfile
  * you attempt to vote twice
  * you vote anonymously or with an unidentifiable sockpuppet
  * you vote for or against yourself
  * you vote in a thread other than this one
  * you vote in a newsgroup other than AUK without crossposting to AUK
  * you follow up to an incomplete or altered version of the ballot
  * you have officially been declared non-existent 
Crossposting the complete, unaltered ballot is permitted. You have until
00:01 GMT on August 8th to cast your votes. Vote wisely; next time the
candidate might be *you*. 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 




Kook of the Month

(vote yes or no)
Paul Derbyshire, posting as Kensi and Nadegda. 

Coward of the Month

(vote yes or no)
Albatross. 

Looney Maroon Award

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire. 

Joseph Bartlo Pathetic Anal Pineapple Award

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  

Palmjob Paddle

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.

Balsa Gavel

(vote yes or no)
William Melchert-Dinkel.  

George Pickett Memorial Trophy

(vote yes or no)
Albatross.  

Kluck Lysaght "Tar & Feathers" Award

(vote for one)
[Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy. 
Albatross. 
neither of the above

Busted Urinal Award
(vote yes or no)
[Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy.  


Goofy Azzed Babboon

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire. 

Order of the Holey Sockpuppet

(vote yes or no)
Alexander "Dink" Cain. 

Bolo Bullis Foam Duck

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  

Global Village Pump Award

(vote yes or no)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire. 

Ministry of Circle Jerks

(vote for one)
Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire and [Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy.  

The 4 Stooges (incumbent) Greg Hall, Emmett Gulley, %, and Janithor

Hammer of Thor

(vote yes or no)
Steve Crook. 





Sunday, July 29, 2012

AUK Post Count April, May, June 2012

According to Google, the AUK post count for April 2012 was 7217, the highest since 2010, and the 9th highest total for April in AUK history.  Here's how that breaks down:

2007  27130
2006  25372
2008  16148
2005  15831
2004  12073
2009  10534
2000    8720
2010    7288
2012    7217


For May 2012 Google records the count as 9281 posts, the highest total for May since 2009, and 8th highest total for May in AUK history.  The breakdown:

2007  20054
2006  17108
2000  16469
2005  14368
2008  14234
2004  13114
2009  10828
2012    9281

The post count for June 2012, 9466, was the highest June total since 2008, and  the 7th highest total ever recorded for June.  Again, the breakdown:

2000  29966 (This is the record for posts in AUK in any month)
2004  17650
2008  15655
2005  15451
2006  12988
2007  11373
2012    9466


Saturday, July 28, 2012

Impeachment! [Tor] Phoenix


Since this is an impeachment thread, and there haven't been enough of them
for anybody to get into the swing of it, here are a few rules.

The victim of impeachment shall be deemed to be impeached unless

 a) Somebody whose opinion I respect disagrees.
 b) Somebody whose opinion I respect disagrees.
 
There is a tradition of highly elaborate impeachment nominations, such as have previously been made by Phoenix and PJR, but I don't think [Tard] Phoenix aka Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler {One of Three} aka Alien aka Mittens the Anonypussy deserves anything clever or elaborate. I think he should be thrown into the Galactic Killfile and declared ineligible to win any kook awards ever again, on the grounds that he's as lame as you've all just observed him to be.

The charges:

  1. Posting the real life info of other Usenet posters. This kook is so obsessed he outed Pandora's cats. His lame excuse is, "But mommy, they did it first!"
  2. Lameness greater than that of squiggle teh AssWourm.
  3. Stupidity more profound than that of Cockbrain
  4. Extreme cowardice when confronted by truth, resorting to IKYABWAI lames.
  5. Impersonating the true FNVW
If anyone disagrees, now is the time to do it. [Tard] will appear on the 
July 2012 ballot, but from August 1, 2012 on he is declared non-existent.


Sunday, July 22, 2012

Tinfoil Sombrer0 Awarded!

A Tinfoil Sombrer0 is hereby awarded to the Derbyshire twins, Nadegda and Kensi! Your Derbyshire sock army has to be the lamest in Usenet history.  Enjoy your new headgear, wannabe Vote Wranglers!

Monday, July 16, 2012

July 2012 Nominations

Updated 22:57 CDT 27Jul2012



Kook of the Month

Paul Derbyshire, posting as Kensi and Nadegda.  Nominated by Bit Rot.  Second: Checkmate

Coward of the Month

Albatross.  Nominated by Charlotte L. Blackmer. Second: Sweetness

Looney Maroon Award

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Bit Rot

Joseph Bartlo Pathetic Anal Pineapple Award

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Fred Hall.  Second: Account Banned

Palmjob Paddle

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Account Banned. Second: FNVW

Balsa Gavel

William Melchert-Dinkel.  Nominated by Sweetness.  Second: Account Banned

George Pickett Memorial Trophy

Albatross.  Nominated by Sweetness.  Second: Account Banned and Colonel Jake

Kluck Lysaght "Tar & Feathers" Award

[Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy.  Nominated by Fred Hall.  Second: Bit Rot
Albatross.  Nominated by Sweetness. Second: Checkmate and K A Cannon

Busted Urinal Award
[Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy.  Nominated by Fred Hall.  Second: Sweetness


Goofy Azzed Babboon

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Fred Hall

Order of the Holey Sockpuppet

Alexander "Dink" Cain.  Nominated by K.A. Cannon.  Second: Sweetness.

Bolo Bullis Foam Duck

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Account Banned. Second: Bit Rot

Global Village Pump Award

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire.  Nominated by Account Banned.  Second: Bit Rot

Ministry of Circle Jerks

Paul G. "Two-Socks" Derbyshire and [Tor] Phoenix aka Mittens the Anonypussy.  Nominated by Fred Hall. Second: Bit Rot

The 4 Stooges (incumbent) Greg Hall, Emmett Gulley, %, and Janithor


Hammer of Thor

Steve Crook.  Nominated by FNVW.  Second: Sweetness.







Monday, July 9, 2012

Winners! Usenet Kook Awards, June 2012

The time has come to once again announce the winners, and "loosers" of the alt.usenet.kooks Usenet Kook Awards for June, 2012.  Colonel Jake has kindly consented to provide the music for the processional.

Battle Without Honor, or Humanity March:
http://www.coloneljake.com/-CJdN-/0000/

Without further ado:

BOBO AWARD

The winner is...DOUBLE DOCTOR ANDREW CHUNG!

12 votes...yes
04 votes...no

Congratulations, Andy!  Hunger is good!  Until someone dies from following quack advice from the likes of you.  What would Jesus say?

KOOK OF THE MONTH

The winner is...NO WINNER!

15 votes...yes for [Tard] Phoenix
01 votes...no

Did you really suppose, lame sock, that you could win this award twice?  Probably.
How many petards were hoisted on your "fishing trip"?

CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH

The winner is...PHAUX PHOENIX!

10 votes...Phaux Phoenix
06 votes...Eunuch McCarty
01 votes...neither of the above

Congratulations, lame socky!  You have truly earned this award.  More clueless than Ras!  That has to hurt.

COWARD OF THE MONTH

The winner is...EMMETT GULLEY 81!

10 votes...Emmett Gulley 81
03 votes...neither of the above
02 votes...Bozo De Niro of ACS

Congratulations, Gulley frogger!  How pathetic is it to frog a Remorseless Child-stalking pissbum?  Only a KotM winner would know the answer to that.

LOONEY MAROON AWARD

The winner is...MITTENS THE ANON-Y-PUSSY AKA [TARD PHOENIX]

16 votes...yes
01 votes...no

Congratulations, petard hoister!  I hope the concussion administered by Ratz doesn't affect your financial acumen!

JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD

The winner is...MITTENS THE ANON-Y-PUSSY AKA [TARD PHOENIX]

15 votes...yes
00 votes...no

It's unanimous, socky!  Even Bartlo was smarter, and even Rusty Tavek would not take you into his stable of kooks.

BUSTED URINAL AWARD

The winner is...DAVE TV AKA PATTY SULLIVAN!

15 votes...yes
00 votes...no

Janithor, report for duty!  Cleanup in AUK!  Patty has soiled himself once again!

GENE SPAFFORD "USENET SAMARITAN" AWARD

The winner is...STEVE CROOK OF MIXMIN!

18votes...yes
00 votes no

Congratulations, Steve, for not only making Usenet a better place, but also managing to strike a balance between personal privacy and free speech.  Kudos!

Twenty valid ballots were received.  Until next time...

Colonel Jake, if you will have The Velvet Knights fire up the bagpipes for the recessional?

http://www.coloneljake.com/BAM1BAM/VKeverything/